wispfox

Today, metahacker and I have been dating for a year.

I was originally intending to put an extraordinarily schmoopy post here, but I'm both not feeling up to it and feeling like it would be wrong to do right now anyway.

I will still do so, at a future date.

For now, though, it is enough to say that I'm very glad that everything worked out such that we can be together, and have been for a year.

-random conversations with a co-worker about interesting zoos in China with lots of tigers and pandas (made all the better by the sheer _glee_ involved in talking about it)
-People wanting to help me to do research, both just to help me out, and because they are themselves curious (even if some of them were unable due to requirements)
-Pretty music, from various sources, including suggestions by people I'm close to and things played by sweeties
-seeing people who are usually too far away, even if as is always true the visit is too brief.
-bursting out laughing multiple times during said visit
-local sweetie returned to the area
-thoroughly not-local sweetie to be here again in about a month
-hugs
-kisses
-best roommate in the world still is both the best and my roommate.
-funny/good/interesting conversations with all sorts of people
-kitty remembers that it's the time of year that I sit in front of the light for breakfast time, and comes running from wherever he is in the house when he hears the light click on
-I'm driving myself to work three days a week, taking a class, working full-time (which is being especially crazy right now). And my wrists _are still handling things_.
-is loved.
-loves.
-silly camera videos of dogs wrestling. One of which was partly under a sheet. Sheet puppy! Really, _really_ happy puppy tails!
-"hers [camera] is bigger than yours!"

Just happy.

And it's certainly not the weather! :) Even if the trees do remain pretty.

Ok, back to working again.

There were many days in the White Mountains with metahacker.

There were stars, many many stars. And we never even went anywhere specific to go look at them.

There was walking in woods and mountains and rivers and mushrooms of various and unexpected colors and shapes. There were rocks for crossing wet places, for sitting on, for petting, for having pet rocks, and for being pets of rocks.

There was cuddling. A whole lot of cuddling. Also, cuddling.

There were conversations about bears and moose, but no actual sightings by the two of us of either one.

There was a gradual increase in ability to deal with walking in places with uphillness.

There was a cold with a fever that came and went.

There was conversation, chatting, silliness, and connecting.

There was a room that could have been better in various ways, but which was still a good room for being a room in which there was much time spent with metahacker.

There was a hot tub that I never got around to using. There were various very friendly owners and workers at the Bed & Breakfast we stayed at. There are wee pretty paintings, and postcards that failed to be sent while we were actually there.

There was grumpy, there was tired, but there was also a deep low level joy at being in mountains with trees and green and quiet.

There was remembering that mountains and hills are a rightness for me, in ways that flatness is not. And also remembering that places that tend to have them also tend to not have much to do in the evening.

There was much passing of various towns I've lived in or near, remembering when Concord, NH was a big city to me (Boston used to terrify me; Manhattan still does, although less so), seeing various towns that I think my high school used to have sports games at.

There were times when there was too much moving and I needed to just sit for a while and talk to the mountains and trees and grass. There were many more times when I just knew where I was, and was glad.

There was a fire, marshmallows, and small, hyper children. There was very little reading, and no internet access (or indeed, a computer, for me).

There was beauty. There was simplicity. There was quiet. There was time away with metahacker. And it was indeed good. I really needed that, for the time away, for the nature, for the time with metahacker.

There are pictures, which I may get around to posting some of.

my currently in-flight sweetie left me a few post-it notes hidden in the apartment. I have found 3 of 4. the second made me all teary (but then so did him telling me ove the phone that he'd done it).

charmed. loved. teary. not urgently missing him, not yet, for he was here to cuddle and kiss and say goodbye to this morning. bit lonely & touch-hungry, though. tomorrow night I will be fully mopey about his absence; it's always the night after the full day he's gone that it hits.

and this time? he kept his keys. I do not know why, but that feels like a small victory.

I can, indeed, switch my brain into a state where I can be intensely social for long periods of time. But it requires me to not need to keep track of time, makes me _very_ flighty (counteracted by being cuddled), not great at self care, and makes non-highly-social activities not things I want to be doing (so I made it to no panels at all, and played very few games). It also requires that I have people I am utterly comfortable with clinging to/cuddling with reasonably easily available. It also makes me _way_ less good at being aware that I am not seeing as much of people as I might like, if I'm seeing them at all and I _am_ getting time with comfortably cuddly people. It also means that I start getting less able to handle touch from those I'm not as comfortable with. And starts meaning my impulse control goes away (although that may have been insufficient sleep).

I have done this before (when I met the_xtina and cos, and went to the housewarming where I knew no one), but it's been a long time, and I didn't really understand then how to make it last without huge cost. Now I have more data. :)

So! Arisia mathmatics:

( cutting is kind )

I can has piano music played by a sweetie!

Now if only I had fewer meetings so I could _listen_ to it...

Y'know... I'm really damn lucky.

I have the world's bestest roommate (really, any other roommate(s) have one hell of a set of shoes to fill), who I barely knew when she came to live with me. And yet, it worked out well, even when my wrists got stupid at me and she suddenly had a bunch of extra things to do because I could no longer do them.

World's purryest cat. And sufficiently _unlike_ Ash that I rarely have attacks of 'but you're not _my_ cat!'.

I have a job that, while it is part of the problem with my wrists, also understands the problem (possibly better than most medical professionals. Sigh) and works with me around it. And I'm improving. And I make enough money that I can _afford_ the various things that allow me to keep working and also improving.

I have many, many wonderful people in my life, even though some of them are far away and I don't see them often. I am loved, and understood far better than I'd ever have expected to be possible.

I am living in a time when it's _possible_ for me to have met all these people (all? of them I met through the internet, one way or another), to not be completely debilitated by my brain brokennesses, and indeed to have some of those brokennesses actively useful for my job. Where my difficulty with spoken communication can be worked around, and improved upon. Where being born 12 weeks early was not a death sentence. Where I could figure out various of the ways in which I am unusual by finding others similarly unusual online in email lists and newsgroups and such, and discussing things with them. Where I could get my first degree-related job while still _in_ school, because I was involved with a linux users group and friends from there happened to work at a place that was hiring.

Yeah. I? Am damn lucky. And sometimes it's nice to point that out. Perhaps especially when I'm underslept and stressed from work and the insufficiency of direct light.