wispfox

In the context of my pending hair cut, being reassured that someone (who I have admittedly been dating a long time) is certain that I will continue to be beautiful with short hair, evidently makes for a mental stutter (hiccup? not sure).

IM may have meant my mental stutter was non-obvious, I have no idea. I did manage an appropriate thank you in a reasonable amount of time.

I think I was bemused for a number of reasons. First, the notification of pending short hair was meant to be informational. Mind you, we had just been talking about my leaving grad school, and I'd pointed him to my recent posts on the topic. (This was in large part both a 'fyi' and a 'this likely means I'm not visiting you this year'.) So he had good reason to believe I might need reassurance in general.

But, and I think this is the more interesting aspect, I have trouble thinking of myself as beautiful if the context is purely appearance-based. It's not that I don't think I'm attractive (although, yes, depression is not helpful there), but that to me the concept of physical beauty is both highly unusual (I think a _very_ small - perhaps nonexistent? - number of people are beautiful when based solely on appearance) and needs to be to the level of breathtaking/awe to make sense.

So what's beauty?

I can't think of a way I use it purely about people's appearances. A still photograph of someone just can't be beautiful to me. Water, sky, the play of light on things: things like this can be still shots and be beautiful to me. Not people. (and perhaps not animals or plants, either. Not without light/water/sky things going on)

Once you add motion, it's no longer just physical appearance. It's going to include how someone expresses themselves, how they move, how they carry themselves. Even if you ignore possible sound/vocal cues, there is a _lot_ of info in motion.

One example for which I am pretty consistent relates to graceful movement. If someone nearby is doing something graceful, and I notice and don't have a good reason not to, I will become entirely distracted and just watch. It's absolutely about awe and beauty and things for which words are not coming. And it is entirely possible that my jaw will actually drop.

I have a similar reaction to enthusiasm being shared with someone, where, if it's with me, it's usually stronger than if I just happen to get to watch other people enjoying that experience. Enthusiasm and glee about things are absolutely beautiful.

Other ways people move can be beautiful, although it's not often something I'll notice if I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone (paying attention to conversation trumps noticing physical things). I think it may still tend to involve either grace or enthusiasm, now that I think about it! Or sometimes the way the light catches someone.

Perhaps my bafflement at being called beautiful is simply that I don't have many contexts in which I find people beautiful. So it's a temporary (and often fleeting) thing ('estar'), not a constant thing ('ser'). Which, why do we not have two "to be" words like Spanish does?

What do you all find beautiful?

I do not know if I add beauty, precisely. I do know that I delight in pointing it out and sharing it, and in being around people who appreciate that.

Creation is a confusing concept to me. It is entirely possible for something to be created which is much like many other things which exist. At the same time, it's very easy to have something created which is too much like something which exists. I think the word 'new' is tripping me up, here. 'new' as in never before existing? Or 'new' as in taking things which do exist, and putting them together into something that they were previously not, even though said thing may already exist in the precise same configuration. Or, new in terms of being similar to, but not the same as, previously existing things. 'chair' can mean a lot of things. But chairs are mass produced. And chairs are made by hand. I would not think that mass production is creation, precisely, but... I do not know!

Asking for help. I'm actually decent at asking for help. But it varies. If it's monetary, I'm _REALLY_ bad at asking for help. If it's simply to help me do something I cannot do, cannot do well, or should not do (wrists, anyone?), I'm ok at it. But for the two years that I was mostly not able to do much with wrists besides work, it was harder and harder and harder to ask for help. I was just so _tired_ of needing to do so. And so tired of having people help me, even if I did not ask. Sometimes especially if I did not ask. Depends on the person and the situation. So it varies. A lot.

For things that I do not understand, it's pretty much second nature - unless I'm intimidated by someone - for me to ask for more information/clarification/whatever. But then, this has been something I've done, and needed to do, pretty much my whole life, and I did _not_ get a lot of 'you should already know this' from family.

I strongly tend toward wanting to buy things which are visually appealing as well as functional, preferably without lots of extra things I do not need or will not use. But I also tend strongly toward wanting to reduce my clutter. So I buy fewer things, and thus the things I do buy tend to cost more. For some reason, it's the cheap things which usually have no aesthetic value. Besides, I _like_ my pretties. ;)

How do you add beauty to the world? Is it something as simple as pointing it out when it is there, sharing what exists, or do you create your own beauty, in whatever form you are able?

What is it to create? I think creation can be solid objects, with or without purpose beyond simple existence, creation can be ideas, stories, maybe even experiences. Could creation be reminding people of the things which already are true, showing them things which they already know, as well as bringing in that which is new or at least locally unknown?

Why is it so hard to ask for help when you need it? Even, or perhaps especially, if it's someone for whom you would offer as much help as you have available to offer? Why are people are supposed to be independent and not _need_ help when asking people for help that you truly need and that they can offer makes them feel appreciated and loved and helpful _and_ makes whatever you were struggling with much less of a struggle?

When you create things, or purchase things, do you remember beauty and design as well as function? Small bits of beauty in one's life can make a big difference, just as can many small bits of annoyance, distraction, or obstruction.

http://corivax.livejournal.com/182274.html

Visually pretty, ideologically pretty. Pretty!

I can has fishies.

Spinning.
Climbing things.
Birds in flight.
Music.
Swings.
Nature shows, with as little narration as possible.
Trees.
Aquatic environments.
Being squished.
Tight spaces.
Touch.
People, specifically and generally.
Wind so strong it might help me fly.
Stars.
The sound of wind through trees.
Ohm chanting.
Tibetan singing bowls.
Bells.
Chimes.
Touch.
Scent of recently cut grass.
Scent in general.
Diving into waves.
Swimming.
The silence and weight of lying at the bottom of a pool.
Being high in a tree, looking at everything around me.
Newness with underlying stability/certainty/home.
That moment of interacting with an animal which decides that maybe, just maybe, I'm ok.
Being trusted.
Those fleeting moments when I am graceful.
Grace in other people.
Purring kitty under my hand.
Startling people into smiling or outright laughter.
Knowing people I love are thinking of me.
Open, honest vulnerability.
Finding out why.

Randy Pausch: Childhood Dreams Lecture. Long. But really worth it.

"Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch, who is dying from pancreatic cancer, gave his last lecture at the university Sept. 18, 2007, before a packed McConomy Auditorium. In his moving talk, "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," Pausch talked about his lessons learned and gave advice to students on how to achieve their own career and personal goals."

There is great beauty - and great power - in a heartfelt smile.

There is very little more joyful than the transformation of a face from tired and vaguely grumpy to a genuine smile. And sometimes, smiling at someone you pass on the street can result in that transformation.

It may have been rainy and dark out, but one of the best parts of my day was seeing a stranger smile.

And it's nice that the season is turning away from winter such that I was no longer so internally-focused that it happened at all.

I have no brain for things not work-related. But! I can offer beauty and silly and such, because it's fun and good and I want to. :)

( no really, lots of links under here. No actual content )

haikujaguar on touch.

A really neat Stargate SG1 fanfic that starandrea recommended, Rebuilding Babel. Aphasia sucks. But this story is really good.