wispfox

First, pictures! Sadly, due to lack of time, I do not have any photos from when I was diving. Had I had time for my post-certification dives, I could have been taking photos. Ah, well.

( San Pedro Sula )

( Homeward! )

( And now... )

I was in Colorado Springs last time I updated!

Lots of stuff sent home, a drum circle attended, and a flight to Orlando has happened. It's quite odd to not see

heinleinfan and

sunstealer after many days at their place! But it's nice to see my parents, and having a bed to sleep in was divine.

One night at my parents place, then we were off to a timeshare near the western part of the Everglades. Lots of detours for bridges being out (at least two), but we made it to Marco Island where the timeshare is. It's creepily rich, with boat docks _EVERYWHERE_ and enormous houses and such, and the timeshare is in the "poor" part of time. Which is actually preferred; I think I'd be even more creeped out if it were in the creepy-rich part of town. The place we had dinner last night had a rather terrible salad bar, but the seafood chowder my mom and I had was quite good. There was grocery shopping, then some time to myself while my parents were in bed (I'm not yet on this time zone).

The bed is a sofa-bed, and not great. Not awful, if I sleep on one side of it. Will try sleeping with it on the floor tonight.

Not sure what the plans are for today or tomorrow, other than my call with

metahacker at noon (both our times!). I know we go to Key West absurdly early in the morning on Tuesday.

Watching a pelican catch a fish while we were eating dinner last night was pretty neat, and was quite like some of the fast food places in Laconia for reasons of water bird watching and boats docking.

Wished I had my camera for that! But I had forgotten it in the room for reasons of very hungry. And not sure if I could have captured it anyway, through the window and all!

So far, pretty good. Timeshare could have been better (having an actual bed would have been nice!). It's quite pretty, though. And one _heck_ of a difference from SouthWest. Water everywhere, including in the air! So much green! So many birds, many of which are white! Pretty funny contrast. :)

Last I updated on travels, I was in Escalante, UT.

( Zion )

( vegas, again?! )

( Capital Reef )

( Moab )

Because seeing them and then not seeing them again reminded me...

I am so very thankful to

metahacker and

galaneia, individually and collectively, for having included me in their family. It was definitely a complex route to have traveled to get us to this point.

Their individual and collective patience with each other, themselves, and with me, as well as a whole lot of soul-searching and conversation and life entanglement has brought us to the point where they both flew out to Las Vegas to join me for a week on my crazy two month road-trip in the South West. Sure, they also wanted to see the area. But they most definitely came to see me, as well.

And now I miss them at the same time as finding many things easier (a week's worth of time is a very different thing from two months, and that was reflected in the rate at which we were doing things while they were here). And I'm so, so thankful. And I love, and am loved. I think I'm also less homesick, now.

Current Mood: loved

Currently in Escalante, UT.

We escaped Las Vegas to head toward the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. I don't recall the precise places we briefly stopped through and/or saw outside the car window, but it was certainly not a direct path, on purpose.

The Grand Canyon itself was, indeed, grand. Kind of difficult to parse, grand. There are pictures, of course. Mine,

metahacker's, and

galaneia's. Uploading pictures, as per usual, is slow. (I'm still back at stuff previous to picking them up from the air port!)

Tiny cabin was tiny, but the larger ones were not available when we booked the one we did get. And hey, we were staying on the North Rim. That doesn't suck. :) There was some hiking, as well as a severely sleep-deprived

metahacker, which was sad. Also, altitude eats people's energy and brains.

From the North Rim, we went to Page, passing through a number of pretty things on the way, including south of the Vermillion Cliffs National Monument, and over the Navajo Bridge. We ate in a former paddleboat, all unknowing until we had finished, for dinner. From Page, we crossed the Glen Canyon bridge, and I think went back to spend the night in Kanab, UT.

This morning, we left Kanab and headed toward Bryce Canyon National Park, passing through lots of pretty stuff on the way. In Bryce, we took the shuttle in, had a picnic lunch, and went to the end of the shuttle trip. From there, we took pictures, jumped back on the shuttle, and then walked from that stop to the next one north. We ended up deciding against walking another 0.5 miles from that stop to the next one, so as to be kind to altitude-affected people. We saw lots of birds, one of which was both blue-ish and green-ish, and turned out to be the Violet-green swallow. We also saw woodpeckers (tiny!), ravens, antelope, elk from far away, and other things that I'm probably forgetting. Yes, there are pictures. :)

After Bryce, we headed for Escalante, UT for the night, and had tasty dinner at the restaurant attached to the hotel, which specializes in smoked meats.

And now, I'm chilly and going to stop trying to upload things for now. Brr!

I do appear to have lost a card's worth of photos, so I shall describe it as best I can without them.

I also have a

metahacker and a

galaneia as of last night.

( Flagataff Botanical Garden )

( Bonito, Sunset Volcano, Wupatki )

( Bearizona! And frustrating lack of call, and camping. )

( Grand Canyon Caverns, Oatman, Hoover Damn, Lake Mead )

( Hoover Dam, Lake Mead, Las Vegas )

Alice's Wonderland.

*still giggly* Go read! Really!

Current Mood: giggly

Through much conversation with

metahacker wherein, among other things, it was determined that I needed a different type of interaction than typical for when in distress, I am significantly less down than earlier. Also, not sick. I didn't actually realize how sick I was.

Fwiw. Now, sleep.

Current Mood: sleepy

We spent the long weekend w/metahacker's mom, canuckmum, and do thanksgiving (observed) plus birthday stuff for multiple people w/his family.

Was a very busy weekend, unfortunately involving giving my cold to both metahacker and galaneia, the latter of whom is now miserable.

I was quite nervous about my first thanksgiving with his family. It went well, though. Long day. Very long day! But there were tasty foods (I now want a recipe for sweet potato pie, even though I will probably fail to ever make it. It was so tasty!), many conversations and helping with necessary big groups of people chores, and a large variety of presents. Including for me, to my surprise. (to be fair, i did have a birthday recently) I got a broomstick skirt from his mom (I have a fair number of said, so if that was a guess, it was an _excellent_ guess), a couple pieces of nifty art from metahacker (I did know I was getting something unclear and possibly card-like from him), and a lovely knit lap blanket from galaneia which I must post pictures of. Although I'm not sure the colors will photograph well.

I'm really impressed with the sneakiness with which she got me to pick a pattern for it! Neat viney plant growing pattern thing! Sneaky girl is sneaky!

I did notice she was knitting a bunch, but she knits a bunch anyway. And I did notice that she wanted to finish something in time for gift giving, and she jumped a few times when I came into a room unexpectedly, but at no point did I ever more than briefly wonder why. Nor did I have any clue what she was making.

Ok, yes, I'm perhaps a bit oblivious. :)

Good thanksgiving. People are still clearly a bit baffled by the whole situation, but they are also clearly trying to actually get to know me. Which is good. :)

Current Location: From iPhone

I have an essay with edits to review, which needs fewer words than it has and I would like to submit with the application next week before Thanksgiving. I also have a lot of tired. An awful lot.

As an example of the tired, it's taken me until today to actually get around to mentioning that

metahacker and I have been dating 2 years last Sunday. And I've been living with him,

galaneia, and

hfcougar for 7 months.

It feels longer, it feels shorter, it feels not long enough. We're learning how to share living space, to remember to check in and see how things are, both of us, the three of us, the whole household. I keep being perplexed that I did not know him, or him and

galaneia, or

galaneia when past occurrences are referenced. I am startled when I see and fail to recognize pictures of him with beard, and only figure it out because

galaneia is in the picture as well.

It bemuses me when I take a look at that part of me which is no good at settling, which needs things to be not just good enough, but _good_, and it's calm. I don't know what to do with that, really, and one some level it kind of scares me. I'm not used to it being quiet when it's not only because I'm too depressed to hear it. But I don't think that is why. I still want to travel, _ache_ to travel, and explore. I'm just not being driven to find where I fit anymore.

There's absolutely stutters and complications around getting to know people and figuring out living space and such. There's periodic reminders where I remember that I _haven't_ known either

metahacker or

galaneia that long, and need to add in new information to adjust my default expectations & behaviors appropriately. And we do all periodically step on each other's tomato patches [1] (often at the same time) and need to recover from that. This is part of being human, really. And living together and being close and caring about people.

I don't have enough words to put around and with how, why, and how much I love

metahacker. Nor how much of a delight it is to continue to get to know

galaneia better and to count her among my close friends. All I can say is that both statements are true, and important.

[1] From alt.polyamory, a phrase I like much better than stepping in people's mental mine fields. This is probably a decent sample of why I find it a useful metaphor.

Current Mood: thoughtful

( cut because it's too long! )

Current Mood: sleepy

At times, my reaction to things is surprising and unexpected.

I was not surprised to have some discomfort at many of the various items in the North America Native American sections of the Peabody museum at Harvard. For much the same reason that I was unhappy at the term 'acquired' to describe how the items got there, that I suspect that most of what is there was taken from the people to whom they belonged, quite possibly involving their deaths.

I mean, I'm glad we went, and that

metahacker thought of and suggested it. I'm glad that it exists and that there were things which had been returned to the appropriate people according to signs put in their place. I'm glad that they try to work with the people who are affected. But at the same time... uncomfortable.

My reaction to the room in which there were spiritual masks on display, though, _did_ surprise me. It was Not Okay. Very strongly Not Okay to have those on display, so public, so not what they were made for, used for, meant for. I don't know where their home is, to whom they should go, nor even if there is anywhere they should go. But that was quite strongly Not Right.

Sometimes I forget that I am sensitive to such things. (and when I'm not _in the moment_, sometimes I try to convince myself that I imagined it, or was reacting to distress that I expected to be there. Of course, if that were the case, I'd expect to react more strongly to the clothing...)

It's a little strange to be singing "Urge For Going", and realize that this is the first time I've sung it since I was definitely not going somewhere else. And the reason for this was sitting beside me at the time, so I grabbed his hand kind of abruptly.

I feel a bit like I did in the post where I was originally processing the lack of intention to change my living locations. A little less intensely, a little less immediate. But similar.

I did not choose the place, exactly. But I choose the people. And they define home, far more than a place. _This_ is home. You are home. And you. And many others.

Still, I am wistful. And I idly wonder what could have been. There is always a could have been, though. And what is is very, very good.

Time off between work and school will definitely help with the wanderlust part, even if not the living somewhere else part. (Florida! Southwestern US!)

Also, I haven't been to Psinging in _far_ too long.

Current Mood: wistful

Realizing that I might be able to get a recommendation from a professor from undergrad who knows me decently well, rather than one from someone who doesn't really know me well, so I actually have two decent academic recommendations. And, when I pinged the professor, being remembered without prompting. (Yes, I sometimes forget that I'm memorable. Being poor at remembering people doesn't help, mind you)

Working on essays for grad school is startlingly easy, for the most part. (less so the parts where I feel like I do not know enough, but that's something that can be worked on.) I do sometimes forget that, while I don't really write stories, I am a decent writer. At least on a computer (I lose track of what I'm saying if it's on paper)

I may not yet be at a point where I'm adjusted to my sleep ability without ativan, but I am at least no longer getting up every hour or two during the night. (once or twice is much better than every hour or two!)

When I remember to take it, migraine meds _work_. (now we just need to make sure that I don't get addicted to the caffeine in them, since until I sleep better I need them every morning)

Hugs. Also, hugs.

Continuing to see

jasra regularly.

Living with

metahacker.

Living with

galaneia.

Making tasty stir-fry with

galaneia's help.

The sheer glee with which

hfcougar reacts to NSPy's antics. Glee!

Kitty!

OMG, Cataclysm.

Inspiring

starandrea.

Current Mood: pleased

Sometimes headaches are very strange things. The ones I get when I sleep poorly are the strangest I ever get. They pretend to be sinuses, but migrane meds are the only thing that touches them.

Today, though, the pain was confusing and not only pain. True, there's pain, and a lot of it. But there's also... A discomnnect between my eyes and my brain, completely screwing with my hand-eye coordination and making reading actively difficult. It's like things simply are not where they appear to be.

If I weren't also light sensitive and in a fair bit of pain, this would be entertaining in its strangeness.

At least my mood has lifted from this morning's, many thanks to metahacker.

Current Location: From iPhone

I can ground again, although I'm not really clear on what shifted or why (maybe having a therp to talk to because I tend toward not wanting to talk about things that I've talked about a lot, haven't changed, and/or I can't (yet?) do anything about?).

I have also added time to myself to my schedule, which will - hopefully - help reduce my dislike of weekly things.

Also, went to nearby park twice, once w/

metahacker, later on my own, and that helped a lot. I am not accustomed, anymore, to needing to find quiet or time to myself, and it's a difficult adjustment.

once escorted. Go read it.

Am suspecting that two ativan at night, while permitting me to fall asleep faster (assuming stress doesn't override them) also causes me to have much trouble getting up in the morning and being drowsy all day. Not really a fan, so back to one and taking longer to fall asleep. So far, so good.

I would like it to be a little less easy for me to get into states where I'm not functional due to stress or overwhelmedness or whatever. So, after much conversation with

metahacker, I shall be investigating having a therp (therp! Therp! Therp!

the_xtina, I blame you) to try to work on things which are non-urgent (my entire experience with mental health professionals up until now has been for urgent stuff). I am not really sure how I feel about this.

Starting to investigate application processes for grad school, to be ordering transcripts once I'm home and have envelopes and my checkbook and such. Am vaguely annoyed that the earliest application deadline place does not yet have available the electronic application for next year, and that one of my application places requires that you do the entire electronic application in a single setting. Ah, well.

Soon, I shall need to start taking a stab at various personal statement things. That'll be weird! I don't recall my undergrad application at all, although I'm sure I had similar things to do then.

I've two people from my two last classes at UML as potential recommenders (one would prefer not, as he did not have much interaction with me and it was entirely online, but at least one of the schools wants two in academia, and another wherever), and two boss/co-worker-type people. So I should be good on recommendations.

Settling better into new location. I always seem to forget how hard moving is on me. Which is probably good, or I might try to never move again, and usually there is good reason to do so, when I do!

Good weekend.

Wedding of youngest sister = entire family in one place + them meeting

metahacker + crazy walk in the woods involving swarms of mosquetos + preeetty lakes. Also, lots of time with

metahacker!

Visiting people I did not yet know, their puppy, and their pond. Frogs! Tadpoles! Red-winged blackbirds!

BBQ, odd games involving multiple colored balls and throwing them at a smaller white ball, random conversations.

And there was time with

jasra, and it was very, very good.

We haven't really had time which wasn't involved with me packing or something in weeks.

And while today was largely involved in unpacking things and making my room more a _room_, and perhaps more _my_ room, there was still lots of being with

jasra, who I missed very much. And wasn't really entirely aware of it, since I was so stressed.

And also... we've lived together for long enough that she _knows_ me and my habits and preferences and so can help get me un-stuck, which I very very much was with unpacking and getting settled into my room. So I needed my

jasra to help me with my room and my organizing. And also we traded furniture for what was in her car with what I had in my room. Which had a _huge_ effect on my sanity, because it meant more bedside table space and also some drawers for things.

There was a

jasra, there is increased sanity in my room and decorations on my walls put up with her help and her eye for decorating, and it is good.

And then there was unexpected time with

metahacker in my dramatically improved mental state, which is why I'm up so late. Which was also very, very good. (I have been in no fit state to be around for weeks. I hate moving)

(I suspect much of why I was so wrecked Saturday - exhausted to the point of falling asleep repeatedly, cold/flu-like symptoms - is because I had my room's sanity improve Friday and stopped being on high alert. And then crashed, hard)

But now, sleep.

And eventually, wall shelving. And picture hooks or something with which to put my small white board on my wall. Because I really missed having it around to write notes to myself on!

Current Mood: happy, but sleepy

And there was time with

jasra, there is increased sanity in my room and decorations on my walls put up with her help and her eye for decorating, and it is good.

And then there was unexpected time with

Current Mood: happy, but sleepy

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Entries tagged with people.metahacker

At long last, the final post for Honduras

Update for you!

continued travels...

chosen family

And there are internets!

Posty goodness!

Alice? And Alice?

Health.sad

Thanksgiving

(no subject)

various!

woo-woo, museum

psinging, home

Some things what are fabulous

Health.sleep, health.headaches

Brief update

various

weekend!

my room is less insane!