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wispfoxSince I've only really spent much time in Melbourne, and that's the city I fell in love with, really what I mean is that I miss Melbourne.
I also miss![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
alecto23 and tooticky and usuakari (even though the latter two aren't _in_ Melbourne anymore).
I have very little association withaustralian_joe and _being_ in Australia, so that didn't trigger a missing of him, which was interesting.
I miss a city which doesn't scare me even downtown, with good transit so that I can get places without driving and get more regular exercise without trying, with all sorts of parks and green spaces and crazy, crazy startlingly tame animals around. I miss the crazy amounts of intricate ironwork, the lovely architecture, the gardens with all sorts of variety in what grows there and how it grows and how much of the yard it takes up. I miss sufficient logic in the structure of the streets that getting lost is not much of a worry, so I explore. Both using tourist maps (Melbourne is _very_ tourist-friendly!), and just exploring near where I was staying.
I think I also miss... the idea of going somewhere new to live. I've only really lived in New England, with a brief exception of Spain for 9 months. I _like_ the Boston area, socially (but not the weather, but it's not as if Melbourne would have been much better!). I like having a group of people I know and who know me. I like having a local partner, and living with said partner, even if it does confuse me regularly because it's been so long. And moving to new places is _hard_.
But I also miss it. Clearly I need to travel somewhere new/different (Southwestern US!), since that's probably part of this. But also... I've tied myself down to this place, and on some level that is saddening me. I want to have lived more places, I want Boston to be home because I know enough other places to _know_ it's home. Not because that's where I am and have been and found people. Not because it's near where I grew up.
And lo, I am wistful. Not because I think I have made a bad choice (I do not!), but because... there are things that will not be, now. And because this is the first time I've felt like I was somewhere/somewhen that I would settle and grow roots and _stay_, and it scares me and confuses me and also makes me happy that this is something that seems entirely reasonable and likely and good. Staying is... not something I saw myself doing, so I feel like I've trapped myself, a bit. But again, travel will help with that feeling, I think. I hope!
Staying in one place and _planning_ to do so is such a foreign idea. I may not be one to settle for things which are not right for me, but that is not the same - although it has previously been true - as not being someone who will settle into a location, with people. I knew that I eventually would want/need to do so. If nothing else but because transition states are hard on me. But it still confuses me. It's still a significant change. And today, it apparently decided to poke at me.
I also miss
alecto23 and tooticky and usuakari (even though the latter two aren't _in_ Melbourne anymore). I have very little association with
australian_joe and _being_ in Australia, so that didn't trigger a missing of him, which was interesting. I miss a city which doesn't scare me even downtown, with good transit so that I can get places without driving and get more regular exercise without trying, with all sorts of parks and green spaces and crazy, crazy startlingly tame animals around. I miss the crazy amounts of intricate ironwork, the lovely architecture, the gardens with all sorts of variety in what grows there and how it grows and how much of the yard it takes up. I miss sufficient logic in the structure of the streets that getting lost is not much of a worry, so I explore. Both using tourist maps (Melbourne is _very_ tourist-friendly!), and just exploring near where I was staying.
I think I also miss... the idea of going somewhere new to live. I've only really lived in New England, with a brief exception of Spain for 9 months. I _like_ the Boston area, socially (but not the weather, but it's not as if Melbourne would have been much better!). I like having a group of people I know and who know me. I like having a local partner, and living with said partner, even if it does confuse me regularly because it's been so long. And moving to new places is _hard_.
But I also miss it. Clearly I need to travel somewhere new/different (Southwestern US!), since that's probably part of this. But also... I've tied myself down to this place, and on some level that is saddening me. I want to have lived more places, I want Boston to be home because I know enough other places to _know_ it's home. Not because that's where I am and have been and found people. Not because it's near where I grew up.
And lo, I am wistful. Not because I think I have made a bad choice (I do not!), but because... there are things that will not be, now. And because this is the first time I've felt like I was somewhere/somewhen that I would settle and grow roots and _stay_, and it scares me and confuses me and also makes me happy that this is something that seems entirely reasonable and likely and good. Staying is... not something I saw myself doing, so I feel like I've trapped myself, a bit. But again, travel will help with that feeling, I think. I hope!
Staying in one place and _planning_ to do so is such a foreign idea. I may not be one to settle for things which are not right for me, but that is not the same - although it has previously been true - as not being someone who will settle into a location, with people. I knew that I eventually would want/need to do so. If nothing else but because transition states are hard on me. But it still confuses me. It's still a significant change. And today, it apparently decided to poke at me.
