Reminders of love
Apr. 4th, 2008 01:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxPretty sure this got too long for a comment, and seems useful to have in my own journal. So!
From http://tenacious-snail.livejournal.com/497981.html:
How do you remind someone that you love them?
I tell them. In those words, and other words that I know translate to those words for them. Email, SMS, IM, phone, in-person, when it occurrs to me to do so (but not every time, both because it may not stay with me long enough and because I may be unable to access a communication medium).
I tell them with actions. I hug them, I hold them, I cuddle them, I pet them. I take care of them when they are sick, if I can. (if they prefer to be left alone, this is much harder because I want to be taken care of when I am sick, but I do try to do this, too) I take care of them generally, if I can/it's needed. (reminding people to eat, drink water, etc)
If there are things which I can do to help reduce their stress, I will do so within my ability (recovering from wrist tendinitis). Sometimes really small things can both help reduce someone's stress and also remind them they are loved.
I listen to what they are saying, and if my awareness permits, what they are not saying. I ask questions, gently if it seems needed, to indicate that I am listening, help reduce my own confusion, and help get unstated things stated.
I try to remember to ask how they are doing, even if they are not volunteering info (perhaps especially if, but this is a hard one for me).
I share bits of my life with them, small things and large. I share music/books, links/ideas that interest/fascinate me. I try to remember to say that I think of them when I do.
If they are seeming to need it, and I'm up to it, I write down who they are to me, why I love them, that kind of thing. Love letters, not just love tokens. These are lots of effort, though.
These all do depend on my own levels of awareness and energy, and some are much easier than others.
What do you do or say to let some one know "that piece of my heart you have? I trust you take care of. I want it to stay with you."
This is... not really how I word things or understand them.
What reassurances can you give that really, truly, you mean it?
I don't understand this question. I don't say things I don't mean, generally, and especially not to people that matter to me.
How do you show that loving someone new doesn't diminish or imperil a love that is already there?
Hard, when in the throes of NRE! But... I try to remember to not let all my focus go away from existing relationships. I do my best to not let NRE cause me to reduce date time with existing people. I... don't know. Not sure I did such a great job with this in the most recent example thereof, but I'm also not sure I've actually needed to before.
What do you cling to when you're scared?
(assume this is all with people I'm actually dating, or people I'm really close to/comfortable with, if not dating)
Existing, established, regular contact with those I am involved with. Knowing when I will see/touch/talk to them next is a really important thing. So is it _happening_. Seems obvious, but thought I should state it. Not happening is hard at the best of times, but worse when feeling insecure.
Printouts of things that they have written to me, reminding me of their love and examples of _why_. In cases that I have them, objects that they have given to me will be worn and/or literally clung to. Things that smell of my sweetie(s), if I have them. Music given to me by them. Music that reminds me of them. Music they have created (not necessarily written).
I say that I'm feeling insecure and irrational. This helps because then it's no longer in my head without outside input. And often they then do things that help.
Physical contact. Having sweeties' focus when interacting with them, at least some of the time. Especially if it's time specifically set aside for us as a couple, rather than us in a group, or us with OSOs. Brief reminders of affection (quick kiss, on lips, top of head; fierce/tight hugs, brief touches as they wander past with other goals in mind). Longer term physical contact; lingering hugs, cuddling, squishing (having someone lay on top of me, preferably heavier than I am).
How do you let someone else know that that thing they need is right there, whenever they need it?
This question confuses me.
From http://tenacious-snail.livejournal.com/497981.html:
How do you remind someone that you love them?
I tell them. In those words, and other words that I know translate to those words for them. Email, SMS, IM, phone, in-person, when it occurrs to me to do so (but not every time, both because it may not stay with me long enough and because I may be unable to access a communication medium).
I tell them with actions. I hug them, I hold them, I cuddle them, I pet them. I take care of them when they are sick, if I can. (if they prefer to be left alone, this is much harder because I want to be taken care of when I am sick, but I do try to do this, too) I take care of them generally, if I can/it's needed. (reminding people to eat, drink water, etc)
If there are things which I can do to help reduce their stress, I will do so within my ability (recovering from wrist tendinitis). Sometimes really small things can both help reduce someone's stress and also remind them they are loved.
I listen to what they are saying, and if my awareness permits, what they are not saying. I ask questions, gently if it seems needed, to indicate that I am listening, help reduce my own confusion, and help get unstated things stated.
I try to remember to ask how they are doing, even if they are not volunteering info (perhaps especially if, but this is a hard one for me).
I share bits of my life with them, small things and large. I share music/books, links/ideas that interest/fascinate me. I try to remember to say that I think of them when I do.
If they are seeming to need it, and I'm up to it, I write down who they are to me, why I love them, that kind of thing. Love letters, not just love tokens. These are lots of effort, though.
These all do depend on my own levels of awareness and energy, and some are much easier than others.
What do you do or say to let some one know "that piece of my heart you have? I trust you take care of. I want it to stay with you."
This is... not really how I word things or understand them.
What reassurances can you give that really, truly, you mean it?
I don't understand this question. I don't say things I don't mean, generally, and especially not to people that matter to me.
How do you show that loving someone new doesn't diminish or imperil a love that is already there?
Hard, when in the throes of NRE! But... I try to remember to not let all my focus go away from existing relationships. I do my best to not let NRE cause me to reduce date time with existing people. I... don't know. Not sure I did such a great job with this in the most recent example thereof, but I'm also not sure I've actually needed to before.
What do you cling to when you're scared?
(assume this is all with people I'm actually dating, or people I'm really close to/comfortable with, if not dating)
Existing, established, regular contact with those I am involved with. Knowing when I will see/touch/talk to them next is a really important thing. So is it _happening_. Seems obvious, but thought I should state it. Not happening is hard at the best of times, but worse when feeling insecure.
Printouts of things that they have written to me, reminding me of their love and examples of _why_. In cases that I have them, objects that they have given to me will be worn and/or literally clung to. Things that smell of my sweetie(s), if I have them. Music given to me by them. Music that reminds me of them. Music they have created (not necessarily written).
I say that I'm feeling insecure and irrational. This helps because then it's no longer in my head without outside input. And often they then do things that help.
Physical contact. Having sweeties' focus when interacting with them, at least some of the time. Especially if it's time specifically set aside for us as a couple, rather than us in a group, or us with OSOs. Brief reminders of affection (quick kiss, on lips, top of head; fierce/tight hugs, brief touches as they wander past with other goals in mind). Longer term physical contact; lingering hugs, cuddling, squishing (having someone lay on top of me, preferably heavier than I am).
How do you let someone else know that that thing they need is right there, whenever they need it?
This question confuses me.
