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wispfoxNew topic in my head! Everyone rejoice! ;)
Also - it'll probably be apparent, but this is stuff I'm still trying to figure out/verbalize/understand.
In general, other people are not quite real to me. I think this is simply because my mind refuses to consider the sheer number of people I interact with, or perhaps the sheer number of people that exist. Whatever, it has an interesting effect on the reality of people in my head. This does *not* mean I will not treat people I don't know with curtesy - I do, even when not using in-person interactions (ie, email, phone - although phone is more difficult. And instance messanging is somewhere between email and phone). That was taught to me well enough, even though most people were even *less* real to me while I was learning this. I think my need to be courteous to people that I don't fully believe exist may also be partly related to empathy. But, I don't know. People are also the most real for me when interacting with them in-person.
People who have caught my attention to some degree appear to also have a very light bond form between me and them, at least from my perspective. This makes them more real in my head, and is something I appear to need in order for me to remember them at *all* later. Being very light, however, it does seem to only serve the purpose of giving people a placeholder in my head. This bond can easily change with interaction with people, either to be more intense, or gone. I will still remember their existence, but that's about it. And that remembering won't happen without external reminders. If I think someone will not be healthy for me to be around, I can pretty easily let this level of bond go.
With a slightly more intense bond, which tends to form with the initial direct in-person interaction with people who are likely to become at least somewhat close to me, I may seek people out without external prompting or reminders of my desire to get to know them better. At the least, the likelyhood is higher that I will want to go to things that they will be at. However, they will still not be completely real in my head when I am not interacting with them.
More intense a bond yet, I will seek the person out on my own, fairly consistantly. This tends to be the point where people are counted as friends by me, sometimes happens during the first in-person interaction, and sometimes takes a bit more interaction to get there. If it happens with first interaction, that's a pretty good sign for the friendship, from my end. This is also a point at which people are most of the way toward completely real, even when not interacting with them. It's exceedingly difficult (I'd almost say not possible) for someone I've never met to get to this point in my head. The closest a person I've not met seems to get to this is for me to have a strong desire to meet them. People in this category are people I will miss sometimes (usually infrequently, unless it's been a *long* time since I saw them last), although it will usually be missing forms of interaction with them, instead of simply missing *them*.
With a very intense bond, people continue to be totally real for me even when I'm not actively interacting with them. I'd once thought I needed a large amount of in person interaction for this to happen. This no longer seems to be completely accurate, although the amount of interaction required with a person that I don't see in person is *much* higher than if I do. And seems to take much longer. But I do still think that I need to have met the person before this is possible. And, for the most part, I tend to have a pretty good sense of this possibility fairly early on in the interaction, but a lack of in-person interaction can make that sense much less useful. People in this category are people I will miss. Not miss interaction, but simply miss. The frequency of missing people in this category tends to be some combination of how secure I feel in whatever the relationship is, whether or not I have a good sense of what to expect of the relationship, and how recently I've gotten good amounts of time with them. The definition of 'good amounts of time' seems to depend at least partly on what kinds of interaction conditions the bond was formed under. And, with effort, can be modified as necessary. Losing people in this category *hurts*, quite a lot. I don't tend to let people get here if I think they are likely to leave, simply because I don't tend to let such people get far enough in my brain to get to this point.
Also - it'll probably be apparent, but this is stuff I'm still trying to figure out/verbalize/understand.
In general, other people are not quite real to me. I think this is simply because my mind refuses to consider the sheer number of people I interact with, or perhaps the sheer number of people that exist. Whatever, it has an interesting effect on the reality of people in my head. This does *not* mean I will not treat people I don't know with curtesy - I do, even when not using in-person interactions (ie, email, phone - although phone is more difficult. And instance messanging is somewhere between email and phone). That was taught to me well enough, even though most people were even *less* real to me while I was learning this. I think my need to be courteous to people that I don't fully believe exist may also be partly related to empathy. But, I don't know. People are also the most real for me when interacting with them in-person.
People who have caught my attention to some degree appear to also have a very light bond form between me and them, at least from my perspective. This makes them more real in my head, and is something I appear to need in order for me to remember them at *all* later. Being very light, however, it does seem to only serve the purpose of giving people a placeholder in my head. This bond can easily change with interaction with people, either to be more intense, or gone. I will still remember their existence, but that's about it. And that remembering won't happen without external reminders. If I think someone will not be healthy for me to be around, I can pretty easily let this level of bond go.
With a slightly more intense bond, which tends to form with the initial direct in-person interaction with people who are likely to become at least somewhat close to me, I may seek people out without external prompting or reminders of my desire to get to know them better. At the least, the likelyhood is higher that I will want to go to things that they will be at. However, they will still not be completely real in my head when I am not interacting with them.
More intense a bond yet, I will seek the person out on my own, fairly consistantly. This tends to be the point where people are counted as friends by me, sometimes happens during the first in-person interaction, and sometimes takes a bit more interaction to get there. If it happens with first interaction, that's a pretty good sign for the friendship, from my end. This is also a point at which people are most of the way toward completely real, even when not interacting with them. It's exceedingly difficult (I'd almost say not possible) for someone I've never met to get to this point in my head. The closest a person I've not met seems to get to this is for me to have a strong desire to meet them. People in this category are people I will miss sometimes (usually infrequently, unless it's been a *long* time since I saw them last), although it will usually be missing forms of interaction with them, instead of simply missing *them*.
With a very intense bond, people continue to be totally real for me even when I'm not actively interacting with them. I'd once thought I needed a large amount of in person interaction for this to happen. This no longer seems to be completely accurate, although the amount of interaction required with a person that I don't see in person is *much* higher than if I do. And seems to take much longer. But I do still think that I need to have met the person before this is possible. And, for the most part, I tend to have a pretty good sense of this possibility fairly early on in the interaction, but a lack of in-person interaction can make that sense much less useful. People in this category are people I will miss. Not miss interaction, but simply miss. The frequency of missing people in this category tends to be some combination of how secure I feel in whatever the relationship is, whether or not I have a good sense of what to expect of the relationship, and how recently I've gotten good amounts of time with them. The definition of 'good amounts of time' seems to depend at least partly on what kinds of interaction conditions the bond was formed under. And, with effort, can be modified as necessary. Losing people in this category *hurts*, quite a lot. I don't tend to let people get here if I think they are likely to leave, simply because I don't tend to let such people get far enough in my brain to get to this point.
