![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Random late night brain ramblings
Apr. 3rd, 2008 11:53 am(not aware of anything specific triggering this)
I tend strongly toward not expecting people to know/remember/think of things, and thus toward (over-)explaining things that anyone else might feel safe in assuming is known.
But not only does such an assumption start on a dangerous path, I do not necessarily remember who I have told what, how well I felt like it was explained at the time, my mood of the time, nor if I'd thought to keep them appraised of any new/additional developments/thoughts/interpretations. With all of that, how _can_ I assume anyone knows anything that I know? I don't even know what I know, let alone knowing/remembering as appropriate what others have told me.
The aforementioned dangerous path is such: if I am willing to presume that someone knows a thing, it is not a huge jump (but still a faulty assumption) to presume that it would occur to said person at a related-to-me-appropriate (but not necessarily so strongly tied for another person) time. If _that_ assumption is made, not far at all to being upset because _clearly_ they knew better, so clearly it was done to hurt you, or they are clearly thoughtless of your feelings or whatever.
Of course, regardless of if I am willing to presume that anyone knows any particular thing about me (would much rather make clear my point of view than start on a path that too easily leads to telling myself stories!), it is certainly also the case that if I cannot make basic assumptions about people & how they will behave, I cannot be comfortable with, and thus cannot be close to, those people. And someone repeatedly not knowing/understanding a thing vital to my basic self will mean, no matter how forgving and tending towards explaining myself I am, it will be too much, too costly, to try to be close to them.
A certain amount of predictability is _necessary_, I think, just as much as continuing to grow and change. And, if it's me you deal with, a certain amount of ability to appreciate my tendency to over-explain things. Preferably, an ability to work with it, and help me dig out bits of uncertainty & investigation & hold them up to the light.
[written last night, late; phone would not let me post, however!]
I tend strongly toward not expecting people to know/remember/think of things, and thus toward (over-)explaining things that anyone else might feel safe in assuming is known.
But not only does such an assumption start on a dangerous path, I do not necessarily remember who I have told what, how well I felt like it was explained at the time, my mood of the time, nor if I'd thought to keep them appraised of any new/additional developments/thoughts/interpretations. With all of that, how _can_ I assume anyone knows anything that I know? I don't even know what I know, let alone knowing/remembering as appropriate what others have told me.
The aforementioned dangerous path is such: if I am willing to presume that someone knows a thing, it is not a huge jump (but still a faulty assumption) to presume that it would occur to said person at a related-to-me-appropriate (but not necessarily so strongly tied for another person) time. If _that_ assumption is made, not far at all to being upset because _clearly_ they knew better, so clearly it was done to hurt you, or they are clearly thoughtless of your feelings or whatever.
Of course, regardless of if I am willing to presume that anyone knows any particular thing about me (would much rather make clear my point of view than start on a path that too easily leads to telling myself stories!), it is certainly also the case that if I cannot make basic assumptions about people & how they will behave, I cannot be comfortable with, and thus cannot be close to, those people. And someone repeatedly not knowing/understanding a thing vital to my basic self will mean, no matter how forgving and tending towards explaining myself I am, it will be too much, too costly, to try to be close to them.
A certain amount of predictability is _necessary_, I think, just as much as continuing to grow and change. And, if it's me you deal with, a certain amount of ability to appreciate my tendency to over-explain things. Preferably, an ability to work with it, and help me dig out bits of uncertainty & investigation & hold them up to the light.
[written last night, late; phone would not let me post, however!]
